Ep. 85: UYL Podcast - The Self-Esteem Revolution: Boost Your Confidence and Achieve Your Desires Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to another episode of Unfuck Your Life, the podcast that celebrates you unapologetically embracing your awesome life. I'm Lisa, I'm your host. And before we get started with today's episode, would you do me a quick favor? If you haven't done so already, can you take a follow this podcast. Hey, I really appreciate it and thank you to all of you subscribers out there already. So if you've been listening for a while, you know that there's a lot of F bombs being dropped and other things, a lot of things that shake up the way I was taught life should be, how women should behave, what women should expect from their lives and there weren't classes for me there. There wasn't talk for me. There wasn't support in the way that I expected it as I was growing up. And I didn't grow up in an awful space. It's just that wasn't a priority. The priorities were, Don't your gum with your mouth open. Don't speak unless you're spoken to you must get all your schoolwork done. You must disappear. You must just, all these kinds of things and lots of things in the environment that I grew up in where it wasn't always safe. It wasn't always safe to be me. It wasn't always safe to speak out. It wasn't always safe to share. And let me tell you, I've lived on, I've lived on six, me. Not on six different continents. I've lived in six different countries and I've visited, I don't even know how many more. I'd have to check my passport and see, cause I'm not even sure anymore. And when I see mothers talking to daughters, not always, a lot of times, and it doesn't matter what language they are speaking, it is very obvious from the body language, from the looks on the mom's on the little girl's face, the so little girl's face. Her energy, her life force, her self-esteem oh, oozing like a puddle onto the floor. Am I the only one that's ever experienced that? Can you can you relate? And I know what that feels like, and I'm a mom too, and I can remember catching myself one time and seeing that look on my daughter's face and it was like, you know what? Okay, this is a time for paradigm shift. This is a time to break pattern. I was so focused on my sweet little girl that I grew up feeling very insecure. I grew up not knowing how to be independent. I ran away from home. I got married when I was 18 to run away from home. And, we traveled the world and for 10 years and I became a mom all that kind of stuff. And then, I was just, Trapped. I was trapped in an awful marriage and in a lifestyle that didn't suit me. And, boom, reset, things change, go to college, lots of different things. You're out on your own. And I realized that when I was 40, when I turned 40, which was a day or two ago that I'd never lived life just for me. All that stuff that people did in their teens, in their twenties and even their thirties had passed me by. I was somebody's wife, I was somebody's mother, I was somebody. I was somebody's daughter first and still was and it got me thinking, it got me thinking more, especially as I made such a priority for my little girl to have self, to have really strong self-esteem, a really strong self-confidence in herself, and most important that she felt independent that she didn't have to run away from home. She didn't have to get married to run away from home. She didn't have to do any of that. She got to have choice, and the choice was her choice, not my choice. And still to this day, when she ask what she should do, I get and I ask her. What to get to the bottom of what it is that she really wants. Does she want a trip back home to touch base with everybody? Because when she was 18, she packed her bags and I got in the car with her and we drove from Wisconsin to Texas because I wasn't just gonna kiss my little girl at door and say, see ya. Have a good life. It was okay. You're going on your next adventure. I just wanna see you And do this road trip and have this hurrah. And so you might be asking, what does this have to do with self-esteem? And this is the self-esteem revolution. This the self-esteem evolution. This is the self-esteem liberation. This is. Boosting your confidence to achieve your desires, your kick-ass life, your inner badass, your inner adventurous. You are inner, your inner confidence. Up the ying yang. I know who I fucking and I don't prove it to anyone anymore. just breathe that in. What might that be like? You don't have to prove who you are. You don't have to justify who you are. You don't have to explain it. You simply are it. And as other women, as other kids, as other men, as other. People see you authentically living. You not trying to put on a show for anybody, cuz we can see through that you being you. And so I got three keys today to get started with this. Hey, if you haven't already done so, go to lisa grendon.com to claim your free copy of unleash your inner adventurous playbook, cuz this is the ultimate guide for your journey. And it's more than just words and it's more than just a workbook. There's, you get to write, you get to color, you get to draw, and do all kinds of things. You get dream really big and if you feel so motivated, join our Facebook community. When you sign up for that, the opt in on lisa gonda.com, you will all of that information because how cool it is to have other people that support you because you know that's one of the things. it is in self-esteem. So this is an extra, a freebie. Is that for that high self-esteem, it's really that community that sees that look in your face, feels that. that that whatever it is, whether it be of a lower vibration or a higher vibration and they want to support you in you remembering who you are. High self-esteem isn't just for someone who's young and perky and gorgeous breath, gorgeous teeth, gorgeous everything. You know what I mean? Because everybody is gorgeous. They just are. You just are. That's why almost always say hello, gorgeous. It's embracing that. That's what makes the difference. I was in line at one of those tool stores. My hubby had me, oh, Harbor Freight, my. Hobby needed to get a couple of things. And I always loved to go on an adventure and it was just really fun cruising through the aisles. And uh, here we are in a home improvement place, lots of tools and I'm looking around going, wow, I wonder what piece of art I could create with this kind of stuff. You it feels very tactile. And what can you do with it that's high self-esteem? It's what can I create? What can I Eight. And there was this woman at the cash register, and all I noticed about her, she's really tall and she just had something about her. And I looked at her and I'm like, when I got to the register, it's miss, I just have to tell you because don't you hate being called Ma'am. Ugh. Ugh. Oh, miss. I love saying Miss. Hello, gorgeous. When you know them even better. I said, you have the most gorgeous hair. And all of a sudden everyone in line around us was engaged in this conversation and it went from, needing to. Stand in line wait for, the cash register change out and all the other stuff that goes on and of a sudden all of us are talking and the vibration is happy. And yeah, this is more expensive than it used be, but how lucky was it that I found it on the shelf and hasn't been here for four months and. That, that's how it goes. This is what the self-esteem revolution is. It's that choosing happiness first. in to that vibe, which is you. It is your natural state. You were trained out of it. Happiness, high vibration is your natural state, and if you listen to the last podcast I talked about, just be 0.0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0. Keep on going with the zeros and put a one there. Happier in the next moment than you were in the last. And it doesn't sound like much, and it doesn't sound like something that you, oh, you gotta really work hard to achieve. And Jesus, the self-esteem stuff is really tough. I gotta do pointers one happiness more than before and it's whoa. What might be that piece like, because it's not like this big hurdle because self esteem is your natural state. So I wrote of keys. That I to remember to talk about, to keep myself on track, cuz sometimes, there's, oh, it's just so much fun chatting with you guys. And the very first thing to, it sounds simple, everybody to it, is to release that which no longer serves you, okay? Seriously release that, which no longer serves you what is that? Have you ever had one of those thoughts in your head where you know it didn't quite feel so good, and then in the next moment maybe you start thinking when your mom said this or Susie said that, or your sister did this, or that teacher did that, or, and then all of a sudden you're thinking about when a friend of yours really hurt you and it just spirals downward. Now I'm here to tell you that those thoughts will never go away. They just don't. There are a couple of things that we do to shift the focus. It's revolution, it's legendary, it's evolution. You are not the same person that you were two seconds ago. You just aren't. You just aren't the self-esteem revolution, achieving your desires, creating your life, your incredible journey on this life. Yeah, some things are gonna of suck. Some things are gonna megaton suck and other things are gonna be out off the chart. Or gas, make excitement. Maybe it's sex, maybe it's so much happiness and bliss. Maybe this is the best fucking day of your. life. And so well, Lisa, if it never goes away, then how do I release it? There are release to techniques that you do. You stop being addicted cuz. Oh, to fixing yourself. , and I'm gonna talk about that a bit more in a podcast coming up about that whole broken concept. Is that fixing, oh, I gotta fix this about myself. Oh, I gotta fix this. I gotta have better eye makeup. I gotta do something different my hair. I I gotta lose 10 pounds. I gotta gain 10 pounds. I gotta lose a hundred pounds. I gotta get a better job. I gotta get, oh, I got, I need get three MBAs and two PhDs and that big, huge list of that fix it list. You know that never ending and it's not even a honey do list. It's a fuck you bitch shit list. Yeah, I should write that down. You are a honey do. You are gorgeous. You are fabulous. And I'm gonna keep repeating that and I'm gonna keep repeating that. And pretty soon you're gonna be so used to hearing it that it might possibly be true. What if it were what? And you could get curious. What that were true? What if I really was gorgeous? What if, even though my boyfriend sucks, my girlfriend sucks. That this happened, that happened that, you know, that big spiral and how it goes. it's, you know what I feel more than 0.0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 1% happier than I did just two seconds ago. Oh, and you celebrate those crowd little wins and little wins become big wins. And so then as you're on this journey, so you start saying things to yourself, like looking in the mirror and saying, hi, gorgeous. Hello, gorgeous. Hey, gorgeous. And notice what happens when you have a smile on your. Because part of what I didn't share with you in that at Harbor Freight in the tool store, when we were in line, there was a woman, two people back, and she was with her husband and she didn't really say very much. smiled and laughed and all that kind of stuff. And let me tell you what happened. This woman was, basically non-descript. She wasn't smiling or anything like that before this conversation started. I just didn't notice her. Her energy didn't stand out in any way. It wasn't really negative, it wasn't really positive. It was just there. If you ever had a lot of those just there kind of mediocre moments. My, a friend of mine coined the phrase low grade suck, and we get so used to a low grade sector. Think about it. Other people call it on neutral and that's okay too. As we started this conversation, everybody started contributing and all of a sudden got this smile on her face and that smile lit up the whole fricking store. not kidding. It's not just a line from a Taylor Swift song. That smile was so beautiful. I could just feel it booming from her. And so this former woman who was just, basically non-descript, didn't really pay any attention to her, did nothing good, nothing bad just nothing. I'm just like, wow. Look at her eyes are shining. Her smile is so engaging. It's wow. I would really like to hang out with her a little bit more and find out more of what makes. Tick because underneath that kind of banal or that mask, cause that used to be a big one for wearing a mask. It was a self-preservation thing. Not a, Hey, you need must like me or else it was a self-preservation thing. There's no mask. There was, her all of that, underneath that shell, that crunchy hard. We think protects us is you. It's your wild, you're wacky, you're wonderful, you're weird, you're majestic, you're crazy, you're eccentric, you're fabulousness. All of that is in there. And lots of people, when they see that, they just wanna go you're just you're weird. You're so strange. And it's yes. And all of the most interesting people. Are they have something they say. A friend of mine once said to me, Lisa, you know you have a tendency to swear like a sailor. And I said I thank you. I said, all the finest women that I know from history, from my current environment have a a plethora of colorful metaphors that they use either all the time, some of the time, once in a while. That they're desk really free to use their full vocabulary. Now that's a woman that I like to know. Especially when they're 80 and really tiny and then all of a sudden you hear them speak and whoa, that little chick just packed a punch. And so now what it is with releasing that, which doesn't serve you anymore, cuz I've been talking a lot and now I'm gonna tell you about what I was really talking about. I've been talking a lot about. Bringing out your authenticness without making it such a big fucking deal, bringing out your authenticness. That 0.0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1%. Happiness first, happier than I was just a second ago, two seconds last week. Yesterday, last month. Don't get rough yourself. Oh my god, I'm the queen of trying to fix myself. I was the queen of trying to fix myself and get it right and have everything perfect. And let me tell you, some people are just gonna not like you, and some are just gonna absolutely love you, and other people are just gonna swipe. So what. The people that come into your orbit, That feel so good and juicy, You choose who is in your inner circle. Now, this is a revolution, baby. It's not just for you. It's not just for me. It's for. All of us, and the more that we share with ourselves with each other, the more we start finding each other and spinning in little orbits. It's have you ever seen little kids greet each other if they haven't seen each other? Wow. Maybe Since a couple of days ago or maybe like a couple of minutes ago and you see greet each other or it's like when you get home and your dog greets you, it's oh my goodness, I'm so happy to see you. You're the, it's like the most fabulous thing ever because that's you. Now what happens is the more you pay attention to that, these are, it's nothing new. It's called neuro pathways. Brain science and neuro pathways the things that fire, how we do what we do, and those ones. That were, the crap, the bogged downness, they start to get overgrown. The path becomes unclear. Have you ever hiked, I'm a big hiker, or excuse me, I used to be a big hiker and I'm reclaiming my hiker self. That's my adventurous is, oh, she loves to hike and. They become less access accessible. And then, you there's these new neuro pathways that are filled with growth and there's so much light around them. I'm a very visual person. I'm an artist, and so sometimes I can actually see or feel or imagine the vibrations of, oh wow, there's Butterflies and there's all kinds of birds, and oh, there's a creek. And look at those trees and oh my goodness, all of the wildflowers and look at the valleys, and there's the mountain, and all the air crisp and it's just warm and comfortable and it kisses my skin. Those are the kinds of neuro pathways that you're creating for yourself. And there are the times when all of a sudden something happens and it's back up and, oh my God, here we go again. And my old thought would've God, I'm doing it again. And then it's ah. Point zero 0 0, 0 0, 0 0 0 1. Stop right there. Point zero 0, 0, 0 0 0, 1. Happiness. I don't care how many times you need to remind yourself, I don't care how many times you didn't choose happiness. The only thing that fucking matters is every time you do. That's it. There is a long shit list of all of the crap. You know you know my mom grew up saying, oh, everybody's on my shit list. This person's on my shit list. And it's oh, another trigger there, another, oh God, I don't wanna get on her shit list. My life is how you don't want it to get any worse. And celebrating you shit list, kiss list love list. Actually that's number three. So I'm jumping ahead of myself. It's creating that new essences and that 1e-07% happiness. And you might be saying to yourself, Mike, God. Why does she keep fucking repeating that? Because you can't learn anything you don't already know. It's all about repetition. I'm a hypnotherapist. This is what it is. As we reprogram people, not just their brains, their selves, their sense of self-worth, their sense of self-esteem, their sense of themselves, their very identity, and this is your identity. And so number one. Stop paying attention to the old things, release them. We've got techniques and stuff like that. And of course, absolutely we use them. That's not all we do because you are not in the fix it game anymore. You are in the happiness first game. That is a really big secret. To this self-esteem revolution. And then you know what? Never stop growing and exploring and discovering whether you decide to go to a different kind of restaurant or go to listen to a different kind of music. I have a confession here, several years ago I used to live in mass and I was really plugged into the music scene and had a a lot of friends that were all plugged into the music scene. And I had one thing in common country and Western. Ugh. And I was just like of quiet about it, I would of fit in. So I didn't really see anything bad about it. And as I'm listening to more music now, I'm like, Jesus, this music is really awesome. It really rocks. It's a really catchy tune. It feels good. And I have I have Sirius in my husband's car, we have Sirius xm. And one day quite by accident, I discovered the Garth Brooks channel. And you know what? He has all kinds of music on that station. It's not just country, it's not just men, it's not women. You can listen to almost. Anything. I'm pretty sure I even heard Ania Simone song. I'm pretty sure I heard. I'm feel, I feel fine. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. That's what it is. That's one of them. I love that song. Anyway, so to never stop growing, even if you didn't like it before or you don't. We're not forcing you to do anything. There is no should list that in order to really make it, and in order to grow the right way, in order explore and expand the right way. You must this. You must have this many PhDs and this many MBAs, and you must have the, you must weigh this much and there has to be this much in your bank account. Bull fucking shit. That's way too much fucking stuff. It's stuff like, huh? What if I tried something different than my usual Andre at my favorite restaurant. What if, I've passed this other place? this different area town that I always wanted to go to, and it feels intriguing and, you just stop in. And what if you just ordered a drink? You know what I mean? And course it could be alcoholic. It doesn't really matter to me, just a different drink. Just anything. Something you never tried before. What if you smiled? What if you picked up? A crayon, a marker, a pencil, a pen, a paintbrush, and just allowed yourself to doodle or scribble on the pages without any critique or any, anything about it. What if you just looked around the. And just felt, huh? I wonder if there's there's anybody here that I would just like to smile at and maybe say, hi, how are you? Maybe just sit next to. That growing and expanding that learning that new things. This is how you really push the ar, the areas of your comfort zone, and that's when you hit, ooh, your sparkle zone. Yes, we go beyond the comfort zone. We enter the land of the sparkle zone. The sparkle zone is the zone of magic and creativity, and happenstance and imagination, and more than 0.0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, happiness. First, it might even 0.0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0. Two, or four or seven. This is you learning. growing, developing, choosing, having some fun, expanding your horizons. Maybe you go to different countries, maybe you check out museum, maybe you listen to a different kind of music. Maybe you go to a lecture, maybe, oh my goodness, little list is endless. I'd love to hear contributions on this. And all of this feeds into the key point number three, which is 1,001 things that make you laugh. 1,001. Could you imagine in the adventurous league on the Facebook in your guidebook that you go to the website lisa gr.com, and you opt in, you can get that adventurous playbook. Playbook where you get play and explore and have fun and create, and you make your list of a thousand and. Things that make me laugh. And then we share that list everywhere. So people are looking in that list and they're like, yeah, I did that. Yeah, I did that. Who? I never tried that. Do you know one of the best things that I'm so blessed to have, I gotta tell you. Cause I love dogs. I have three of them myself. And next door to me is a wonderful young couple. They don't have two legged kids. They have four legged kids, and she's a foster mom. And Unfortunately, there's always an endless supply of pregnant moms dogs that need to be taken care of during their pregnancy, during the delivery, and nursing those puppies there. She takes care of them, and so there's. Very few days that there aren't next door. So then they go from the teeny tiny little ones that you just get to hold and all. They have those puppy smells and don't really do anything. They're just just like a little lump. However, they're just like this. Ah. And then you see them and they get bigger, and they get bigger and you see their personalities and you just go over and you get to pet them, all like, oh, we get to see you. Oh my goodness, my idea of heaven, everybody is that I am completely surrounded and followed 24 7 by puppies. I'm crawl, puppies are crawling all over me. It's fabulous. I love it when I see paint. I'm an artist, especially this particular thing happens when watercolor, The, there's the water on the paper and you've got the color on your brush and you just start. Stabbing it in and painting your, whatever it is. If you doing a line mark or just a blob, becomes something else. And seeing the color, ooh, through the water and how it changes color and it changes texture and shape. And then you add a little more of that color, maybe you add a little more of this color and you see it come alive. And it makes me smile because I learned long ago to no longer. Judge harshly, what's happening on the paper? I just allow it to continue to unfold. That's what it is about you. That's number two, that constant and never ending, expanding curiosity, learning something new. We don't teach little kids. What? You don't know your ABCs. What a dumb ass if we don't teach a little baby. What? You can't walk yet. What doesn't matter with you? We don't do that. We encourage them. That's what you are. The self-esteem revolution is all about the connection, the encouragement, the support, the you, the you. It's your natural. vibration. You may have been disconnected from it, maybe for decades, maybe for years, maybe for just moments. It doesn't really matter. And people that come into your inner circle are the ones that, you know what? They're liking this. It feels really good. Somebody gives a compliment, and all of a sudden everybody erupts in a higher a higher vibration. People are laughing, people are smiling, people are talking. It totally changes everything. Even the people in the other line we're looking over. I'm sure. They were saying, wow, I wonder what's happened over there on that line. That looks fun to be over there in that line. And some people might have been thinking, would you just be quiet already? I want to check out and I wanna get outta here whatever is perfect. We're not here judging people, but there's been enough fucking judgment, don't you think? I know I've been judged enough, and I know I've judged more than enough of others as well. I'm not, I'm not, live kind of glass house. I don't stand on any kind of statue. You know what? And we're all perfectly wonderfully, I wanna say, I don't want to say the word that most people would think of is flawed, and really what it is fabulous. Really what it is fabulous. come join the adventure, come have the fun. The self-esteem revolution is you releasing the past, knowing that it's never really gone. However, the other neuro pathways, other things you're paying attention to, the things in your life give you more joy, and when those other things come up, you have tools and strategies and friends. 2:00 AM friends. To just be with, ugh, never stop learning and expanding. You're growing always, and 3001 things that make you laugh. How exciting is this? So until next time, hey, follow my podcast. Get that guide lisa grund.com and gorgeous. I'll see you again soon. Bye-bye.